I have had a colourful dating life, lots of highs and copious amounts of umgowo! Over ten years ago in the Eastern Cape, a teenage boyfriend of mine would call me from his dormitory, on my aunts’ phone every other day. We dated for about five months and suddenly he stopped calling and went awol without an explanation. I was devastated, I liked him. Long story short, we are now good friends. At the time, there was no “real” term for this abrupt disappearing. These days, its called ghosting. Urban dictionary defines this as “when someone who used to be friendly or even romantic with you suddenly cuts off all communication without explanation”. There is also the concept of being stood up, and then there is a link between the two. The link often happens when one is intending to travel and or meet up with a partner or a potential partner. The partner either goes awol a few days or hours before the planned trip, or as the visiting partner arrives at their destination. 

I’ve literally seen it all with relationships. Earlier this year I travelled to one city to spend the weekend with a man I had known for years, but knowing men, I am always ready for disappointment. So we texted before I boarded my flight and he was aware that I was on my way. Lo and behold I arrived at the city; the man’s phone was off. I was already thinking, not another ghosting as I was not new to this, I had been ghosted and stood up before. Fortunately for me it was not. His battery had died at work, he rushed home to charge it and called me back. However, it did trigger me, reminding me of where a man actually ghosted and would only resurface a few weeks after. Ghost man came back and claimed he had gone somewhere and there was no cell phone connection with no mention of what that meant for our plans. 

One never knows with these men. So how does one prepare for possible ghosting? Here are a few things to consider:

1. Always have the details of the accommodation booking if going to a holiday destination.

2. Have a plan B, should that booking be a scam as well.

3. Always have your own money. Men are not reliable. And lastly “umfazi usazala indoda nanamhlanje” (a woman is giving birth to a man even today). Therefore, one shouldn’t be too invested in plans with one man, at lest aim for three.

This also takes me back to my recent trip to Ghana, visiting my family. My brother told a story of how a distant relative was in a long distance relationship with a man that lived and worked in Denmark. They were to soon get married, the besotted lady was in constant communication with her fiancé and they had made plans for her to visit him in Denmark. Tickets were booked, she landed in Denmark and her man was nowhere to be found. His phone was off, he was not at the airport to pick her up as it was planned, she was stranded and distraught. A strange white man came to her aid, made calls and it was discovered that this fiancé had left his old residence which he has shared with this young lady a long time ago and no one knew where to find him. Long story short, she ended up getting married to this white man, they have children and he happened to be one of the wealthiest men in Copenhagen.