[The] Pleasure Is All Yours – Redefining Pleasure

If you’ve been paying close enough attention, you would’ve noticed a change in the pleasure advocacy zeitgeist – a much welcomed and necessary change. Historically, the only version of pleasure that circularised pleasure rhetoric focused on, was erotic pleasure. It’s, of course, no surprise that in a patriarchal and capitalist society, pleasure would be reduced to eroticism and often, if not most times, at the expense of the female body and female body expression. Please note, in this article I am referring to eroticism as it is currently normalised – a pornographic and plasticised sensation (for more information on this, please refer to Audre Lorde’s Uses of the Erotic – The Erotic as Power).

Now, before we delve into where the pleasure revolution is currently at, it’s important to note that, like any feminism-influenced movements, the pleasure revolution journey has been characterised by some patriarchal whiplash. An example of this is the deliberate perversion of fourth wave feminism as a movement that is exclusively centred around perverse sex-positivity, cheuggy classed girl bossism and aestheticised self care; when in actual fact it is also queer, trans-inclusive, body positive and digitally driven. What this perversion looked like for the pleasure movement is that it was purely framed around eroticism, and in particular, the masculine expression of eroticism – sexual desire, sexual intimacy, sexual excitement and sexual adventure.

Fortunately, not all heroes wear capes. Some are queer pleasure fairy godmothers in Atelier Bordelle lingerie who’ve contributed immensely to the pivoting of the pleasure movement from that perversion.

As it stands, WE, the people are defining pleasure for ourselves. What’s awesome about defining pleasure for ourselves, is that it allows us to turn inwards and into our own bodies. Turning inwards defangs pleasure as this nebulous eroticism-centred thing and allows us to focus on fully and truly connecting with our bodies, thereby allowing our bodies to reveal the things it enjoys without shame or guilt. We get to own bodily joy on our own terms. More importantly, it allows us to see pleasure as an ecosystem and a resource during difficult times. Now this! This is where the tea in terms of true erotic intelligence and power is at. You can quote me on this. If you’ve struggled with sexual intimacy, body dysmorphia, confidence etc. Revisit, redefine your idea of pleasure and practice it; thank me later.

Friendly reminder that pleasure comes in all flavours. A fav of mine @theannguyen breaks it down like this. Pleasure can be:
o Nourishing (a cold glass of water)
o Comforting (Feeling soft textures)
o Soothing (Gentle self-touch on your body)
o Blissful (Practicing gratitude, laughter)
o Erotic (Self pleasure and orgasm)

So what is pleasure to you and how do you practice pleasure?
I’ll go first and then I will share some bites from pleasure advocacy platforms and accounts that I absolutely love.

For me, pleasure is characterised by moments of complete acceptance and comfortability in my body, to list a few:
o Beach strolls while I’m in decked in horrifically expensive pistachio-green lingerie;
o Barefoot village walks in gloomy foggy weather where the air smells of hints of manure, damp wood and wood fires;
o Slow sensual kisses;
o Vulnerable conversations while naked and entangled;
o Sexual affirmations;
o The sensation satin leaves on my nether regions;
o Feeling like I belong and I am seen is an absolute pleasure for me;
o All sorts of edging (lol)

For others, Pleasure is:
“A Yumminess in my belly, a tingling sensation down below, a general feeling of happiness and expansion. A lightness on my world”. Nana Darkoa Seykiamah/@heydone

“Pleasure requires and manifests as presence in my body, guilt and shame relegated to a corner, indulgence, patience, self acceptance, beautiful audacity and freedom. It is a feed-forward loop in which the more pleasure I allow myself to experience, the more of these good things come.” Astrid/@heydone

“ Pleasure, for me, is being present, paying attention to what is almost always a possibility when when we are intentional and mindful. It’s a meditation because it requires your attention, for that pleasurable moment/time nothing else matters. You are not distracted, you are just enjoying.” @Glow.energy/@Heydone

As you can see, the pleasure ecosystem is vericoloured and expansive but we start here for now. We redefine and we claim pleasure. I wish everyone the type of deliciousness I’ve experienced on this journey. The pleasure is truly yours.

Sekelwa Mpambo is the Managing Editor at Nounouche, a Brand Strategist and queen of great lingerie and makeup.

Connect with her here: @misfit_Nova and

@Avampambo